Coaching Tip of the Day

Stress and the Emotionally-Absent Man

The more stress a man has at work, the more detached he may be at home. When spoken to, he may pick up a magazine and begin to read it. This is not a conscious insult, nor does it mean that he is not interested in you. He is unconsciously picking up the magazine to distract himself from listening to you because most of his mind is still focused on the problems of work. Ultimately, by reading a magazine or watching TV, he is attempting to forget the stress of his day.

A man under stress needs to take some time to forget what is bothering him before he can focus on his family.

Instead of taking this personally, a woman can remember that he is from Mars. Instead of being insulted, politely ask for his full attention. If he gets distracted again, pause until he notices that you are waiting for his complete attention. Remember, his lack of attentiveness is not a reflection of his love but a symptom of stress. For the woman, persistence is necessary.

When a woman attempts to engage in conversation, I suggest that men get in the habit of putting down the newspaper or magazine—not just in their lap but completely out of their hands—when listening. If there is a TV on, it is best to turn it off until the exchange is complete. These little physical actions increase your ability to turn off work and shift your focus to the family or relationship.

Ultimately, what will free a man from the stresses of work is sex. Sexual release, even if just a quickie or alone in the shower, will assist him in temporarily letting go of his worries and then connecting with his partner. While a woman needs romantic attention to fully enjoy sex, a man may need a quickie to forget his problems and reconnect to his partner and her needs. If a woman is consistent in satisfying a man’s sexual needs, it is important that she ask for and get the romantic attention she requires at other times.