Engaged, but afraid to get married Options

[littles]

I'd love to get some outside viewpoints on this!

I've been engaged for over a year now, to a wonderful guy who I truly can't say enough great things about. I love him to death, and I am certain he feels the same way about me, that's not in question here.

What is in quesiton, however, is WHY he would ask me to marry him if he isn't actually ready to get married.

Has anyone been in a situation like this?

He loves me, he stresses that he adores me and that he wants to build a life with me, etc...however the thought of actually planning a wedding and getting married scares him to DEATH! He talks often about all the things that come after a wedding...having kids, buying a house, etc...however he cannot bring himself to agree to start planning a wedding.

When REALLY pushed, he's mentions that he's afraid things would change...that we have it SO great right now, what if all that changed...? What if my feelings changed? What if his feeling changed?? A lot of our friends have been breaking up lately (out of 7 couples we are the one of two that are still together), and even divorcing and I think this has freaked him out. When I push him as to WHY he asked me to marry him even though he wasnt' ready, he says that he wants me to know that he is commited to me and that he loves me.

Does anyone have any advice? How long do I give him? Is there anything I can say or do to help him realize that I am NOT going to change the second we tie the knot? I don't want this to get to the point where I have to leave for him realize what he's going to loose!!

Help!! Thanks

[louise 117]

littles,

I have a similar mindset to you--I don't even want to be engaged again. When the time is right, forget the engagement--let's just get married. After all, you don't get engaged to be engaged, you get engaged to be married.

Having said that, the MarsVenus principle is that Engagement is the last dating step and part of the process of developing your relationship in preparation for marriage. It might help for you to talk with a MarsVenus relationship coach to understand what kind of work you could be doing for your relationship during this stage.

I think that by actively using this stage to further strengthen the foundation of your relationship before marriage, your fiance will overcome his fears of moving forward in planning your wedding.

Good luck to you!

[Francia]

[ COLOR=purple] I know where you are coming from My fiancee asked me to marry him four years ago. He said that he wanted to show me that he was commited to me. And it wasn't till last year that we set a date. He is a bit nervous about the whole thing he worried about the fact that so many couples get devoriced these day and he was scared that this could happen to us. All that i could say to him was that i don't know that future any more than he does but i was prepared to give it my whole and as long as we all way talk even if it didn't work we would do our best to leave the way we came in as friends. I also stared to panic about the fact that i have been is only real love and that he hasn't met other women. but dispite his worrys I have done my best to panic about what he has said to me but to be as supportive as I can. I have even said to him on a number of accations that if we really feels that he should then me must call it off for both our sakes but that i love him and I understand. Well it sems to have worked even though I have had to wait four years and one of those years of complet panic and questions. In nines days time on the 24th we will be married.

All i can say is try not to panic and don't push him but talk and be supportive even if some times it hurts a little to hear what he has to say. I hope this helps in some way.[/COLOR]

[melamory]

Littles,

I have been engaged for a year, and we are togather for two years. I have the same situation... After he proposed to me we didnt start planing the wedding and stuff...we are just living the way we used to, with the only difference that I have a ring on my firger, because he is not ready for the actual wedding and to have a family yet. It was like showing that he is commited to me and that we are in seriouse relationship, but he still needs time before he gets married. It felt really bad in the beginning but then I just desided to let it be they way it is now...Because if you push man to do something later on if you have problems he will blame you in everything, that you are the one who pushed him and stuff...So just give him his time...if you are sure that he loves you and wanna be with you...why do you wanna rush things..? It took him some time to realize that you are the right woman for him and that he want to be with you...But there is a difference between being with you and having a family...So dont rush with the wedding...Give him time to realize that now he want to have a family with you... In my opinion there are so many divorses because people rush things and then after few years they realize that they have done a mistake.
I really hope that everything is going to be great with you two!