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> Is Marriage All It's Cracked Up To Be?, Boyfiriend doesn't think so
OfflineLuv2Bfit
post 03/24/12 01:44 PM
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Hi everyone,

My boyfriend and I celebrated our two year anniversary this week. He is the most kind, generous, caring, considerate man I have ever known. I feel blessed to have him in my life.

I became seriously ill about two months ago, and he was amazing. I own my own business and there were many days when he got up at 5 am to open my business and stayed there til 8 pm for me some days too, as I was too sick to even get out of bed. He practically moved in with me and has been cooking, cleaning, walking my dog, doing errands and my laundry and just making my life so much easier, as I'm still not 100 percent, although I
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Offlineluvmylife
post 03/24/12 02:31 PM
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He has shown you he is there for you no matter what. His actions speak volumes. You sound very lucky to have him ..If you were wanting children I could see a desire to marry..But assuming you dont; I would enjoy this wonderful man.. The marriage license doesnt guarantee love, respect, caring ...all things that you are lucky to have with him now..
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OfflineLuv2Bfit
post 03/24/12 02:32 PM
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QUOTE (luvmylife @ 03/24/12 11:31 AM) *
He has shown you he is there for you no matter what. His actions speak volumes. You sound very lucky to have him ..If you were wanting children I could see a desire to marry..But assuming you dont; I would enjoy this wonderful man.. The marriage license doesnt guarantee love, respect, caring ...all things that you are lucky to have with him now..

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OfflinePhoenix51
post 03/24/12 02:33 PM
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There is so much I can say to this that I almost don't want to respond because I don't know where to start! The first thing to say is this is an intensely personal decision and I am not here (nor is anyone else) to persuade anyone of the rights and wrongs of marriage (or not) or that their feelings on it are right or wrong. The only thing that matters is how the individuals concerned feel, and it that doesn't match - well then you need to get it open and talk about it frankly and supportively.

One thing that drives me mad is that well-worn phrase "I don't need a piece of paper". Marriage is NOT about a piece of paper - that is just the legal proof that you did it. Another phrase is "failed marriage". We don't fail at marriage - we might make wrong decisions in the first place, or we might grow apart, or we might start to want different things, or life just changes us or circumstances get in the way. My 26-year marriage wasn't a "failure". It worked, and then it didn't.

My M wanted to marry me long before I felt the same way. He waited patiently and I think would have accepted it if I had never got there. I also know how delighted he was when I finally was ready to agree and also how immensely happy I am that we did it and how much better and stronger we are. He was wonderful before, and so was our relationship. It didn't need marriage, but it has been considerably enhanced by it.

I don't know if you are "romanticising" marriage or not. I certainly have never done that, not even the first time. I just knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone, grow old together and all of that and, for me, marriage was a logical - and loving - step. Marriage is no more a magic wand that guarantees a happy-ever-after than it is a piece of paper. It is a commitment, even more than a relationship without it (imo), offers certain securities, benefits and status - but, above all - for me at any rate - it seals the love between us. That is far more important than anything else. We stood up in front of our friends and families to declare our love for each other in public - we celebrated our love and started this new phase of our lives full of optimism, but also ready to deal with problems and difficulties as they arrive - as well as impending old age.

Your M sounds priceless, and I'm sure he wouldn't be any kinder to your if he was your husband. He is entitled to his views and of course nobody could argue with his stance. The fact remains that you want more. He may come around in time, or he may not. Or you may decide you don't care either way. I can only suggest that you listen to your feelings and talk about them with him - without pushing or pressurising, and maybe table them till you have given it some more thought yourself.

Marriage is different for everybody and needs to be entered into willingly and lovingly and with the belief that it is sacred. Both parties need to agree on this, although love can also help us compromise. After all - compromise is a major part of successful relationships, married or not.
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