Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register ) My Controls · View New Posts

5 Pages V  < 1 2 3 4 > »   
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> A Red Flag Or Me?, M rushing to ex defense
Offlinejerseygirl
post 02/03/12 08:12 AM
Post #5


AMVU Bachelor's Degree
*****
Gender: Unknown Gender
Group: Registered Users
Posts: 12856
Joined: 04/08/05
From: Down the Shore
Relationship Status: In a Relationship



Does he now include you with outings with the kids, friends and kids, etc? I know this ex thing has bugged you from the beginning, what has been the result of your discussions about this?
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
OfflineShamal
post 02/03/12 10:05 AM
Post #6


AMVU Freshman
*
Gender: Venusian Venusian
Group: Registered Users
Posts: 117
Joined: 11/29/10
From: Deep South
Relationship Status: Single



QUOTE (urbanhippy @ 02/02/12 05:02 PM) *
He asked me when this recent incident came up if I was ok. I said, that I was suprised he felt it nessasary to get involved to whicch he reassured me he loved me and there was nothing for me to be concerned over.

It does niggle and all of a sudden all those old concerns come back - ie. does he see a future with me (no marraige even in discussion) etc etc etc.

Is this a red flag or am I just being a silly V?

TIA

Urbanhippy


Instead of deflecting when he asks you if you are ok, be honest! Say NO, and tell him what your fears are.

You're dancing around what seems to be the underlying issue:

"No, I'm not ok with it. I'm afraid it means you don't see a future with me. I want marriage and I'm afraid you don't."

Even if things have been fine, do you two have the same relationship goals? It sounds like you don't know and haven't been up front about it.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
OfflineBigRed
post 02/03/12 11:05 AM
Post #7


AMVU Sophomore
**
Gender: Unknown Gender
Group: Registered Users
Posts: 1645
Joined: 03/21/08
From: Iowa
Relationship Status: In a Relationship



If you are upset, then it is a flag for you. There are many different views on helping out exes. Just judging from your comments and having no further information in this matter, I'm with Anna - I think it says a lot about his character that he would help her when she is in need instead of telling her to figure it out on her own. Obviously at one time there were strong feelings between the two of them or they would not have married and had kids together. If those feelings have turned to friendship and wanting to keep harmony in his childrens' home, then he's a good guy.

If we don't have all the facts and there is something else at play here in his behavior, then sure, it's definitely overstepping the bounds. Perhaps if he took you along to meet her and begins to allow you more input into things that would help.

But ultimately, if it bothers you, then it's wrong for your r/s and you need to discuss it with him. It's not wrong or right; you are certainly entitled to your feelings. If he is not willing to change his behavior, then you have a choice to make.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Offlineurbanhippy
post 02/03/12 11:44 AM
Post #8


AMVU Freshman
*
Gender: Unknown Gender
Group: Registered Users
Posts: 25
Joined: 06/01/11
From: Australia
Relationship Status: In a Relationship



QUOTE (jerseygirl @ 02/03/12 09:12 AM) *
Does he now include you with outings with the kids, friends and kids, etc? I know this ex thing has bugged you from the beginning, what has been the result of your discussions about this?

Hi - things are a little closer now and I've come to the conclusion it's more about the lack of opportunities than anything else. We've talked loosly about moving in together - but that is not going to be practical for either of us and I've accepted that. Wish we could see each other more than current - but my kids have lives and he has his life and the two don't match.
I haven't really talked about the ex thing - just noticed. Kind of appreciate he is just that kind of guy. I took the view it was time to observe and see what really happens.

Shamal - When M asked if I was ok - I simply said it was suprising he felt it nessasary to get involved in some personal business to do with his ex's ex and that it invoked some emotions pretty much any women would feel. Then left it there.

It bothers me - not sure why - and think responding is better than reacting. Thinking about it more - and writing it all here helps - seems strange but I'd rather not be No. 2. If my M plays hero to another V - it may take a little more time for me to accept that.

The friendly relationship with an ex doesn't bother me. I do feel bothered that my M wants to impress another V. Maybe I'm reading too much into this!

Sadly details are difficult due to privacy sad.gif

UH
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

5 Pages V  < 1 2 3 4 > » 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 

Time is now: 10/25/14 02:54 PM

1-888-MARS-VENUS