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> A Red Flag Or Me?, M rushing to ex defense
Offlineurbanhippy
post 03/01/12 02:41 PM
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Hi -

as many of you may know my M's relationship with his ex wife has been niggling me for a while. However, I've not braught it up with him becuase I didn't really understand for myself if it was a little of the green monster or not.

it's all kinda come to a head - we recently spend a very special weekend together - the first one with only just us two for at least two months. The ex has a logistical issue with her own husband and phone my M to help out (what's wrong with a taxi?) ... I decided to say something. Kept it calm and simply said "X seems to be very dependant on you". Then while we are on our very special time away -the ex texts him at least 4 times for no reason related to their kids at all.

At that point I simply said "Is there a chance we can spend just one day together without X?" To which M was a little defensive. But then said ... I understand your point and changed the subject.

I'm still stewing because this really bothers me. My M has a lot of male friends and doesn't speak to any of them everyday, or tell me the detail with their lives all the time. Of course he talks about them - but he talks about his ex wife more, in more detail and is in contact with her (on non-kids subjects) every day.

I wouldn't and don't have a problem with kids stuff - but for emotional support, practical help or just to say hi.... every day, day in and day out ... I feel like the second women.

What can I say? How can I say it? Or do I just walk away ... But then maybe I've a dose of green eyed monster.

Wise words appreciated

UH x
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OfflineSophia
post 03/01/12 09:32 PM
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Hi UH it would be helpful if you kept to the same thread so we can see the history of all this. I vaguely remember your situation but have not been able to search around for the background.

How long have you been together?
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Offlineurbanhippy
post 03/02/12 02:45 AM
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HI ... sorry ... would you prefer i pasted this into my old thread?

We've been together 17 months. Overall our relationship is great - he calls me his soulmate and is very loving etc. I'm happy now ... there is a lot which has worked out over time. initially I had concerns he was not really unvolving me in his life - but that is all in the past. Our lives are more together with kids being involved and now kids meeting etc.

We've also discussed living together - but that is not going to be pratical given our respective commitments. that was pretty hard to come to terms with but I'm ok now.

The ex is the last hurdle - it's the last thing which worries me.

UH x
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OfflineSophia
post 03/02/12 03:24 PM
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Maybe you can provide a link to your old thread?

Without all the history, it's hard to give feedback but if you are happy with everything except his relationship with the ex, perhaps you just need to accept it.

I know it would drive me crazy if my M had the kind of constant contact with his ex that you describe. But I'm the type who would never go down that road to begin with; I would avoid a M who is too tied to his ex.

A better time to walk away is BEFORE you get so invested, but now you must decide whether this issue is a dealbreaker after so many months in the relationship.
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