Lonely Options

[Linda31]

Hi. I've been married for 7 years. For the past 4 years, my husband has developed a drinking problem. It has gotten better, but we still have our problems with it. Lately, I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to or be with. He barely ever comes home after work anymore. He always is stopping by his parent's house or another family member's house and staying for hours. If he does come home after work, he ends up going to bed for the night. He always wants to be with his parents (and yes I know that he is really there). It's like he should have never moved out. They live 5 minutes from here and are always around. He acts like he never spends time with them. I've tried talking to him, but he says I'm just imaging things and that if he didn't want to be with me, then he wouldn't. We have our problems and I do love him but sometimes I think about divorce. I'm afraid I could never make it on my own. I don't have many friends and ever since my mom died, I haven't been close to my family. I even think about having an affair, but I wouldn't know how to go about doing that because I'm so quiet and can't even look people in the eyes. I just want some companionship and want to stop feeling so alone. Any advice?

[hisangel]

Hi linda -- sorry to hear yr feeling so lonely, dearie....is there anyone you can talk to about yr situation ? a counselor or a clergy person or even a MV counselor ?

The other thing that would be good to address is yr husband's drinking problem. Many of the folks on this site have spoken of how much Al-Anon meetings have helped them.

If you have a little time on yr hands, it always is a good thing to do something helpful to other people -- volunteering and getting out into the community. You'lle meet some new people and do some good in the world !

And you have many helpful people here too!

[malvika]

hi Linda,
i'm sorry to hear what all you are going through and to deal with it alone is worse. i agree with hisangel .. talk to someone .. try professional help if you can. its very healing. and if you don't have anybody, atleast keep posting here. there are very supportive and warm people here who wish well for everyone. pls don't feel alone.

re the drinking problem, i myself have faced such a situation and had got to a point where i was even thinking to quit cos i hated his dependancy on alcohol. if you wish to you can see my post and read peoples response in the Getting What You Want section under "Drinking Problem" .. maybe some advice can help you.

[username1959]

Dear Ms. Linda, bless your heart. i know what it feels like to depend on someone who leaves you lonely, and to be shy, with few friends and few meaningful close relationships with your family. i've considered the same option you mentioned - an affair, but unfortunately there are so many drawbacks and pitfalls to that too. if anything happened to your marriage, people would probably blame it on you for having an affair, and not consider that your husband did not show you even basic common decency by spending time with you, and did not make you feel cherished. i'm inclined to question his integrity a little. he is being very unfair to you. if he doesn't want to have a customary marriage, then he should have the decency to ask out. what if you went over to his parents when he's there? and stayed a long while. how would he react? you could act like everything is just fine and the situation is normal.