Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register ) My Controls · View New Posts

3 Pages V   1 2 3 >  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Is It Best To Let It Go, Or Worth It To Fight?, What the heck just happened with my relationship?!
OfflineNICUrn
post 10/05/11 12:32 PM
Post #1


AMVU Freshman
*
Gender: Unknown Gender
Group: Registered Users
Posts: 5
Joined: 10/05/11
Relationship Status: It's Messy



Hi everyone,

I'm new to the board, and it seems like a pretty mature place with some really good insights and respectful answers, so I'm hoping to get something out of this post that maybe I haven't considered yet. This will be a slight long, so I apologize.

I've had plenty of 'turbulent' relationships in my past. Thought I was in a love a couple times, but in hindsight, I really don't think I was. After a particularly rough, emotionally and verbally abusive relationship that I ended, I declared that I wasn't really looking for anything and was taking some time to myself. A couple months later, a friend that I worked with suggested I should go out on a date with her brother, as she thought we'd get on really well and would have a lot in common. I was hesitant, but gave her permission to give my number to him. I have a child from a previous relationship, and he's about to have a divorce finalized. We decided to go out, and we hit it off instantly, like nothing I've ever felt before. The connection, the chemistry, EVERYTHING, was absolutely incredible. Wanting to do things the 'right' way, we held off on sex for awhile until we both felt it was the right time to go for it. Everything was perfect.

We were together only for about 5 months, a short time, yes, but in that time we got to know so much about each other. Being together for only a few weeks had felt like months and months; I felt like this was what it was REALLY supposed to feel like when you meet the right one and realize it. It just kept getting better. We had some talks about the divorce (from everything that was shared with me, it wasn't a good relationship that they'd had) and he assured me he was ready to move on and start again, fresh, and move forward. I had moved on from my past and have very little to no emotional baggage following me around; my thoughts are that what's done is done; the future is what lies ahead and you can shape it however you like.

We spent time together doing things we both loved and enjoyed, our conversations were wonderful. He introduced me to his family, his friends; we kept in touch throughout the day but not in an overbearing manner at all. We just got on perfectly. He told me how brand new I'd made him feel, how he loved that I supported him in the things he did, how he was so happy in our relationship and that everything was better than he could have imagined, etc. I invited him to a friend's wedding with me when we were a few months in, and he was excited to go. I admit I was reserved, just in case it stirred up feelings of the divorce for him, but he said he was excited to go. When we got home from the wedding, and admittedly, after a bit to drink, he said he loved me, he was in love with me. I reciprocated this (not to make him feel good, but because it's how I was truly feeling, and feeling like for the first time ever it was real). Things were still great for awhile after this.

After a couple weeks, I noticed he'd pulled away a bit. I gave him some space, and he came around, but I ended up asking him if he regretted saying he loved me. He said he didn't, but he didn't know if he meant it in "the right way" and because of his past he didn't know if he truly knew what love was, just that he felt strongly for me and was happy with our relationship. We agreed we had plenty of time for seriousness and all of that, that things were excellent at present so let's keep it up.

Things held well for the next bit. He was affectionate, made plans, would pull back occassionally but nothing terrible. Then, he was quiet for a couple of days and asked me to come over one morning. He told me he didn't know that he could be in a relationship right now because of everything that's happened. Needless to say, because I really let myself open up to him and trust him ( and even be involved with my daughter, at his request), I was devastated that I was hearing this. I had never pressured him for marriage, moving in, etc. Things were flowing very well, very easy, we just got on great. He told me it was nothing I had done - that I was great and perfect and amazing and so good to and for him, just that he's confused right now. He said it hurt him, too, and that he wasn't going to be happy when I left. I cried, tried to keep myself composed but it was hard. He said he knew he may be walking away from something that has great potential, but he's just confused. Eventually, I got so upset and overwhelmed that this was going on that I got up and walked out. I was due to take a trip a few days later for 8 days. I went on my trip as planned, and now I'm back.

It's been 2 weeks. We've not spoken. No contact. This could mean one of two things - he's fine and has moved on already, and I'm just being crazy; OR he's truly thinking about things and just really needs time. The emotions between us were intense, the time spent together was incredible, and I admit things moved kind of fast. I don't know if he felt that saying he loved me would change the easy, great flow of our relationship (even though I don't think it would have).

My question, I guess it - do I just let it go? If it's been two weeks and he's not contacted me, is it time to just try to get over it and forget him? I know these are tough questions to answer when you don't know the people and haven't seen the relationship. I just have no idea what could be going on and feel like if I need to move on, I need to get my closure and contact him just to get it all out so I can properly move on. Should I contact him, or no?

I wish this wasn't so painful and confusing. Thank you to anyone who has any insight.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Offlineannakarenina
post 10/05/11 01:52 PM
Post #2


AMVU Senior
****
Gender: Venusian Venusian
Group: Registered Users
Posts: 4272
Joined: 09/28/06
From: california




A man who is going through a divorce or is recently divorced is never a good prospect
to date. There is a period of mourning that is undergone with divorce that is almost
as horrendous as if the person had lost a partner through death. Divorce is the
end of many hopes and dreams.

He needs to be alone to grieve. He understands that now. It will take a while, probably
no less that one year and often up to two. During that time he will change a great
deal. He will not be the same person that he is now.

You serve yourself best by moving on. I am sorry.

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
OfflineMeandering
post 10/05/11 02:27 PM
Post #3


AMVU Senior
****
Gender: Venusian Venusian
Group: Registered Users
Posts: 4790
Joined: 01/18/08
Relationship Status: In a Relationship



Absolutely move on for all the reasons AK suggests and more. I'm so sorry you are going through this! Please believe what your M told you and find a way to let him go with love and joy about the good times you did have together. No contact, it will only prolong your pain and grief. Let him go.

Much love & courage to you wub.gif


--------------------
love thyself first
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
OfflineNICUrn
post 10/05/11 04:43 PM
Post #4


AMVU Freshman
*
Gender: Unknown Gender
Group: Registered Users
Posts: 5
Joined: 10/05/11
Relationship Status: It's Messy



Thanks for your insights, guys. I know that it's probably in my best interests to move forward, I just don't know how. There were no fights (minor disagreements, but silly ones), no bad feelings or anything towards each other for any reason, etc. - everything was perfect, which I feel is a lot harder to let go of. I really fell for him and let myself go with it, and it hurts so much to think that he was doing that but was either lying about it or just to think that it's gone. How he went from having our photos around the house and being so proud to be with me to wanting out like it was some kind of terrible ordeal/relationship in a matter of days is beyond me, and probably always will be. I think the best thing for me to do is divest myself of all of the things that remind me of him, and leave him a letter. I don't expect anything to come of the letter, I'm just the type of person who needs to be able to say my piece before I can move on. I know I'll likely not get a response to it, but that may hurt less than trying to call him and asking him to talk so I can get out what I'm feeling and having him reject that.

I wish I didn't feel like "the one" was slipping away; right now, after everything I've been through in the last 4-5 years, it feels like there is absolutely no one out there for me and that I'm just not meant to be happy. sad.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

3 Pages V   1 2 3 >
Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 

Time is now: 09/16/14 11:30 PM

1-888-MARS-VENUS