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> Totally Confused And Waiting..., Rubber Banding or Wanting Out?
post 06/24/11 12:01 PM
Post #53

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Joined: 06/23/11
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Thanks everyone, for your support. It means a lot.

I don't really have any regrets. I am very sad, disappointed, and still confused, but it was a good relationship while it lasted-- he never expressed any complaints whatsoever. I knew he had a complicated life. I understand he may not be in a place to be with another when he has so many pressures. But his conduct now is shocking to me, and out of character with the man I knew. It has wounded me deeply. I felt profound anxiety all week, couldn't sleep, work, think. I texted him because I need an answer. And his non-answer is answer enough right now to tell me I can no longer count on him as a figure in my life. Back to the drawing board...

Of course Ms are inherently self-serving creatures, but it hurts that he knows I have a huge work deadline coming up in a few weeks and this emotional madness is sabotaging my productivity. I treated him with respect, always, and his distance is disrespectful. Maybe he wants me to hate him. I have decided this is the end, but I am still curious what he sees. The end? Or an endless pause until he gets the nerve to see/talk to me.

Most shocking is the fact that on Monday our reunion was romantic and blissful. And now this? How can a man be so hot and cold? How can he reconcile that encounter with his actions now?

A mystery. But I agree with all of you. I've got to let go and move on.
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post 06/24/11 12:32 PM
Post #54

AMVU Senior
Gender: Venusian Venusian
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Posts: 4790
Joined: 01/18/08
Relationship Status: In a Relationship

I forgot about your 6 month rule laugh.gif For whatever reason, it makes me laugh every time it comes up. The vivid imagery probably smile.gif

Totally agree with the 6 month rule! At some point we see the real person...the good, the bad and the oh-so ugly...

I'm telling you MK, the very minute I start to wonder WTH just happened here and begin to traverse the time line, it's ALWAYS at the 5-8 month mark. Always! That averages to 6.5 months wink.gif It's as if the breaks get put on at that point, the honey moon is over so to speak.

A bit off topic but maybe not...I was married to my exh very young and have been an entrepreneur my entire adult life. The 6 month rule originally came from my professional "partnerships", which significantly changed how and when I entered into contractual agreements in those situations. If it was necessary to sign paperwork early on, I also had a 6 month clause. ohmy.gif I later discovered the timeline held true in more personal relationships as I journeyed through working with musicians and the group dynamics, and again, my contracts reflected this understanding as did my career advice to them smile.gif It then became apparent the rule was golden post divorce in the dating realm. smile.gif

For whatever reason, we humans have the capacity to put our best foot forward for about 6 months.... and after that, our onion layers begin to peel and that facade begins to crumble. I call this the Godiva chocolate period where we have this hard outer chocolate shell and a super mushy caramel interior just waiting to spill out dirol.gif

Anyway... the 6th month rule has protected me and also given me a bit of patience, allowed me to help pace things and think towards the future realistically smile.gif

love thyself first
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post 06/24/11 12:49 PM
Post #55

Gender: Unknown Gender
Group: Peer Moderator
Posts: 16760
Joined: 11/18/05
Relationship Status: Single and Looking

I'm sorry, Delfina. I hate that for you. I was really hoping to be proved wrong, believe me.

Do yourself a favor and be kind to yourself. Don't try to date again immediately. Eat what you want, hang with supportive friends, be as mellow as you can. Healing from it will help.

Men do have the capability of compartmentalizing a r'ship, making it all on one day and all off the next. I don't get it because I have a woman brain. Not all men do it, of course, but I think most have the capability.

Sometimes having an answer, any answer, gives you a way to move on with your life.

Grace happens.
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OfflineHealing Light
post 06/24/11 02:19 PM
Post #56

AMVU Freshman
Gender: Venusian Venusian
Group: Registered Users
Posts: 471
Joined: 10/17/07
From: California
Relationship Status: Single

Even though I didn't have the same take as the other ladies given the time frame, even I think that his text to you--and then ignoring your call--was extremely immature and inconsiderate at best. How cowardly. I commend you in having set the standard for yourself as higher than this treatment.

Please continue to hold your head high. He doesn't deserve you. If he does come sniffing around again, remember that the ball is in your court. I am so glad it doesn't sound like you are one of the many women that would let him get away with this behavior.
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