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> Why Would He Do This?, M discusses other V's appearanceHU
Offlinecaliluv
post 04/23/11 12:41 PM
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Hi everyone, I'm new and would love your opinion on my situation. I met a customer through work a year or so ago. We have been just friends. Great rapport, make each other laugh... just friends. Then around Xmas time I felt like he was pursuing me by asking me when are we going to do karaoke night? When are we going metal detecting? When are we having scary movie night? Every week it felt like he was bringing up doing something outside of work. I would just say I don't know, or laugh it off. He wasn't my type and I didn't want to lead him on. He would also make little comments to things I would say like "that's sexy", or "that's hot"... for instance when I told him I like Horror movies he said "that's hot". Ok so I am 38 yrs old and he is 50. He has no kids and neither do I. Ok so back to my issue... It was a little before Valentines Day when he called me, this would be our 1st contact outside of work. He wanted to come over and wait until traffic died down before driving home. I let my AM get the message and called him back appologizing for not getting his call earlier. But it was at this time that i started thinking aout him. Crush, out of the blue. The flirting progressed and the next time he asked me when are we going to go sing karaoke, I suggested the following Wednesday, and we have seen each other every week outside of work since. There has been no intimacy, no kiss, no hand holding. Just hugs and I notice that he attaches his upper body to mine and ends up on my side, in ******* when we watch a movie for instance. He opens doors, pays for dinner, brings me gifts, and asks me for a date every Sunday for mid week, never weekends! He is in a different town for the weekends. Anyhoo, this past Tuesday we hung out and I thought that maybe this would be the night we kiss! Last week he kissed my head and this would be our 6th time hanging out. Well, we started watching a movie and he went on and on during the movie about every girl... "great hair, nice makeup, cute jacket, sexy, love the thigh highs", he pointed out that one girl needed a few years to grow some curves on her, he nicknamed another "hips", he picked out and told me who his favorite girl was and wanted me to pick my favorite guy. He also expressed huge desire for freckles and glasses... I have neither. When he said this I responded with "oh, you'd like my friend......" So I have spent the past few days processing everything, and trying to figure out WTF!!! Why would he go on and on about what he finds attractive in women to me? Regardless of his intentions, I am taking it as we are just friends, but is there any chance he didn't intend to turn me off the way he has? If it makes any difference, beauty is my business... makeup, hair, decorating, antiques, designer, etc. Do you think he was trying to connect with me on my level? or was he trying to push me away? Thanks in advance for all opinions!
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Offlineanya
post 04/23/11 02:09 PM
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Hi Cali --

Big red flag, in my opinion. Doesn't really matter why he's doing it -- I think it's disrespectful to be with a woman in anything resembling a dating situation and remark about other women. Even if he's really into you and just insecure so testing your reaction to his comments, that's still a problematic way of going about it.

The mixed messages in general, plus the weekday-only, seemingly friendly dates (I get that he's elsewhere during the weekends, but it still gives the overall impression that you're "sidekick girl" and not #1), etc. don't add up to something that would make me feel very good from the get-go, and this is the point in courtship when the guy should be stepping up, if that's his intention.

Be careful!

J
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Offlineanad
post 04/23/11 02:21 PM
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Are you certain of his sexual preference?
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Offlinecaliluv
post 04/23/11 02:28 PM
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QUOTE (jinwashington @ 04/23/11 03:09 PM) *
Hi Cali --

Big red flag, in my opinion. Doesn't really matter why he's doing it -- I think it's disrespectful to be with a woman in anything resembling a dating situation and remark about other women. Even if he's really into you and just insecure so testing your reaction to his comments, that's still a problematic way of going about it.

The mixed messages in general, plus the weekday-only, seemingly friendly dates (I get that he's elsewhere during the weekends, but it still gives the overall impression that you're "sidekick girl" and not #1), etc. don't add up to something that would make me feel very good from the get-go, and this is the point in courtship when the guy should be stepping up, if that's his intention.

Be careful!

J

Ya J,
I completely agree with you. I feel it is disrespectful to remark about other women, and you are right about me not feeling very good from the get go here. This guy isn't stepping it up! Thanks for your opinion, it mirrors my own. I just feel like I need to get a good consensus from people because sometimes I feel like my own ideals and expectations are too high. Thanks again for responding!
Caliluv
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