New M, slowing down the intensity Options

[HobieCat]

After my friend died, I swiftly packed up and started my cross country journey back to the East Coast. A close friend of the family was having a bday party in TX so I made plans to travel through on my way East. (side note: I was lucky to be able to invite iamthesun to the party after talking to her for more than two years on IM)

I met someone at the party who happens to be a pretty nice guy. My thought process though, was like this: man a fling would be cool. I was so needing a fling in my life to lighten things up. What better an opportunity than with someone I find attractive and who lives far away.

And over the course of my week's stay, this fling became an full-fledged romantic affair of hollywood proportions.

And I leave town to travel next to visit my father in FL. The texts don't stop. He misses me, can't stop thinking about me, I'm the best thing that's happened to him and when can he see me again? Everyday so far. Three days ago, he texts that he has a great idea and he can come to South Beach and we can spend more time together. So we talk about it and decided that our schedules could work and he booked his flights this morning. He will be here in 7 days.

Now, all this is a recipe for disaster according to MV. I'm a little more optimistic and trying to stave the thoughts of MV reality here.

I didn't start off wanting this to have wings: hence sleeping with him. But here I am in a sitaution where currently, the guy really thinks he likes me and I'm thinking that despite the fact he's not my normal type (too short etc) that maybe, who knows?

Yup, everyone is going to warn me and that's fine. I get it. More fundamentally though, I need to know how to navigate this so he doesn't burn himself out. Thoughts on the mushy texting? Do I ignore 75% and only respond to a few a day? He texted me while I was asleep last night and I woke up to 6 texts and a fb message. One example from fb: "Gosh you are so pretty. I miss you. Why do I feel this way?" The other texts were that he misses me and some were just "I cant wait to spend time with you" etc. Then this morning "I'm sorry for all the mushy texts last night".

I thought for sure he'd poof himself out the door from all that but he actually called to confirm that he booked his flights to visit.

I don't know what I want exactly but I do know that I want to give this a proper chance and poofing is not how I'd want this to end if and when it ends. And honestly, I'm not really sure, I would want it to end.

Thoughts?

[Meandering]

No analyzing.... just enjoy yourself.

I was so needing a fling in my life to lighten things up. What better an opportunity than with someone I find attractive and who lives far away.

Yay sister, you got one. Enjoy it

And over the course of my week's stay, this fling became an full-fledged romantic affair of hollywood proportions.

That rocks! Enjoy it, no second guessing or over analysis allowed.

I didn't start off wanting this to have wings: hence sleeping with him. But here I am in a sitaution where currently, the guy really thinks he likes me and I'm thinking that despite the fact he's not my normal type (too short etc) that maybe, who knows?

Maybe you will learn your normal type isn't your type at all And yes, who knows? Roll with it and enjoy the attention and the fun of it all. There really isn't a need to think beyond that right now, is there?

Then this morning "I'm sorry for all the mushy texts last night".

He's worried he's over doing it and probably as scared as you are. That's great! You can pace if you want by letting him know you'll be out of communication for a while etc which lets him know you aren't responding because you don't like him but because you can't. This could help slow things a bit without it being taken out of context or feeling like a personal slight.

Yay.... I'm sitting here pulling for you to have fun and enjoy yourself without wondering or worrying about what comes next!

[HobieCat]

No analyzing.... just enjoy yourself.

I was so needing a fling in my life to lighten things up. What better an opportunity than with someone I find attractive and who lives far away.

Yay sister, you got one. Enjoy it

And over the course of my week's stay, this fling became an full-fledged romantic affair of hollywood proportions.

That rocks! Enjoy it, no second guessing or over analysis allowed.

I didn't start off wanting this to have wings: hence sleeping with him. But here I am in a sitaution where currently, the guy really thinks he likes me and I'm thinking that despite the fact he's not my normal type (too short etc) that maybe, who knows?

Maybe you will learn your normal type isn't your type at all And yes, who knows? Roll with it and enjoy the attention and the fun of it all. There really isn't a need to think beyond that right now, is there?

Then this morning "I'm sorry for all the mushy texts last night".

He's worried he's over doing it and probably as scared as you are. That's great! You can pace if you want by letting him know you'll be out of communication for a while etc which lets him know you aren't responding because you don't like him but because you can't. This could help slow things a bit without it being taken out of context or feeling like a personal slight.

Yay.... I'm sitting here pulling for you to have fun and enjoy yourself without wondering or worrying about what comes next!

Thanks so much for the reponse. I've been off the boards for a while so I had to go into your profile to figure out who you were previous to the name change. ;-)

One thing you said that struck me was about my normal type...I'm actually having a little battle of wills with the universe because of course it brings me the exact physical opposite of what I generally like. He's 4 inches shorter than I am! Although, I do actually feel this is going to be a significant relationship because the way I insisited on making TX work into my schedule was not usual. Transportation wasn't lining up properly to that end and financially I should have bailed on the concept 5 times over but something kept telling me to make it to the party. I had to drive to AZ, leave car with a hauler, take a bus to TX and then fly out to FL. Costing way more money than just flying out of LA. I just couldn't abandon the plan though. And I didn't know why. I have a feeling I was meant to go. We'll see what happens.

On the phone this morning he asked "do you miss me like I miss you?" and I said "yes". He said "I miss you too. it's weird isn't it? So weird. but weird in a good way". Ugh, he better not burn himself out.

[chiaroscuro]

Well one of my friends slept with her new man on the first date, then was engaged to him by the end of the first week, after which they were separated the best part of a year on opposite sides of the world. Eventually he flew out here to be with her and they have now been married many years and have children.

I'm not saying it is the norm, or to be recommended, and it is certainly not M/V, but who is to say what is normal anyway? Trust your gut, does this feel right? Deep down you'll know.

My current M is moving pretty fast too (not as fast as that though as I'm pacing him somewhat) and it does feel fine to me for us to move at this pace as well, because my gut is pretty calm (except when 90/10s rear their ugly heads, but I deal with them myself). He isn't my usual 'type' either. My usual type is emotionally distant and has life issues and I ended up with a come here go away dynamic that started out with lots of highs and ended with lots of lows. But I grew out of my 'type', thank goodness. This guy just wants me to get close and stay close. I'm sooooo much more consistently happy with him than I ever was with the emotionally distant guys.