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All Message Boards > Couples > Where Is He When I Need Him?

LD Relationships & Communication in Between, He wants LESS contact and I want MORE!!!

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jberkley

05/24/04 10:00 PM

Post #1

AMVU Freshman

Gender:

Group: Registered Users
Posts: 3
Joined: 05/24/04

My bf and I are in our late 40's and had our own very established lives, routines, responsibilities before we met....(both of us have kids with us for big chunks of time). We can see one another only 2-3 times/month, so have to rely on 'virtual' communication like IM, email, and phone calls in between.

One issue that keeps coming up, even as we get closer and closer, is our very different communication/keeping in touch needs. He could go 3 days or so with no contact, or very minimal contact (like a short IM session one morning, perhaps) and be happy and think all is well.

As for me, I need/want daily contact with him...and enjoy sharing little daily trials/tribulations/stories via email. He is pretty darned good at replying/responding to my communications (emails), but rarely initiates...and is nearly impossible to reach via phone at his home since he's online (using dial-up cxn) a lot...unless I IM him that I want to talk...IF he's on IM... If we go without talking for very long (like over a day or so), I 'forget' the good things...lose track of the 'goodness' of us...it all comes back as soon as we are together but the in between SUCKS!!

My feelings get hurt that he doesn't NEED more contact with me...and I get frustrated with my OWN neediness in this area...and I spend SO much time thinking about contact with him...trying to hold back and communicate less than I really WANT to...

Any experienced LD relationship folks out there who have mastered this? Or folks who have experienced this difference in 'contact preference' with a partner and figured out a win-win?