incentive for marriage, why should he marry you Options

[pinky]

Em,

I know Dr Gray talked about this in his MV book.. it goes something like this.. "sex to men is what marriage to women." something like that. So, this tells you sex IS important matter to men as well.. But in your situation, we could think of two things.
Either your guy was only looking for sex.. if he became distant and not as caring after you told him you won't give in, then he didn't care much about you as a person. But then, knowing he still hung around.. it doen't sound like he was only looking for sex.
It also depends on how you conveyed the msg too. Sex is not only important but is sensitive matter to most men so, he might have felt sort of "rejected?" so he decided to stop pursuing you all together? I've heard some men who didn't get sex in a relationship say, "oh well, she only was going to use me until she finds someone better, so why should I bother catering to her, pursuing her and etc?"

You also said, you asked him if no sex thing was a reason for break up..What would you have expected to hear from your guy really? "yeah, em, I am breaking up with you because you're not giving me sex?" LOL..
I think,, you're second guessing your gut reaction. Either he pursues you WITH or WITHOUT it OR he doens't. I believe you were better off NOT getting involved deeply with this man. He didn't deserve you...

[silentteddy]

Not wishing to be the "advocatus diabili" here, but I also know a lot of peeps who waited until marriage for sex and had CRASHING disappointment. Usually, he finds out that she doesn't reallly "like" sex and now that he is hog-tied, he isnt going to be having sex NOW, either. Then she proceeds to beef up to over three hundred pounds.

Or...she is married now to a guy who is sexually clueless and inept, has disgusting personal hygiene, I don't know.

Or...while we may righteously think that "if a man can't be connected to us without having sex, something is wrong..." it could also prompt a man to be having sex with someone ELSE while he is waiting for us to drop our resistance. That is not cool either.

I think we need to decide these things on a case-by-case basis. NO...I am not saying go ahead and have sex on the first, second, third date. But darn it, sex is important. I am a little nervous about marrying someone I didn't have a clue about, either. Teddy

[em222]

Pinky et al, I have mulled this situation over in my head for longer than you can imagine. It has pained me since I told him I wasn't ready to have sex...Seriously pained me...Sleepless nights...The whole bit...And the biggest problem is that I really enjoy sex! I don't think he was using me for sex but I can't help but wonder what he was really thinking...I just don't know. He was a good guy but my gut reaction was fear when I thought about talking to him about this. He just wasn't very open and that scared me! And I just didn't know how to handle that without freaking him out! And he never brought it up...It's too late now. And I know he wouldn't have said he was breaking up with me about the sex issue. But I just don't know...How in the world do I handle this if I start dating someone else? I mean, I can't sleep with everyone I date! Seriously, guys, this subject stresses me out!

[Cimaron]

One Q comes to my mind...
As you know, sex is a big thing for us venusians,, what about for you Martians?  Do you get bonded with a woman after sex too?  If you do, does break up hurt just as much it does for us?

Yes, sex is a big thing for Martians, as well as Venusians. You emotionally bond with the person you have sex with. I divorced a woman after a fifteen year marriage because she had sex with a married man, and bonded with him. It's so heartbreaking for the one who was betrayed! (and the innocent children who are affected by it as well)

I think most men know instinctively that if they want a woman to bond with them, so that the woman will overlook the incompatibilities of the relationship, then he had better figure out a way to get her to sleep with him.

Men seem to be "blinded" by a woman's physical attractiveness, women seem to be "blinded" by physical intimacy with guys.

Personally, I think it's short-sighted of the guy to cause his Venusian to become blind by insisting on physical intimacy. Sure, they will be inseparable for a while, and both will be enamored with each other, which of course feels great, but eventually one of them will "see the light" and realize the incompatibilities to a long term relationship that he or she overlooked in the beginning, and will break up, resulting in so much heartache. I think it's tragic. Months, maybe even years of time that COULD HAVE BEEN spent with MR. or MS. RIGHT, were wasted with MR. or MS. WRONG.

- Cimaron