Feelings Of Rejection Options

[Venustype]

I am going through a break up that was initially created by my distance from the M, we didnt argue or anything like the last time we saw each other. Although it was bad 3 months into the relationship, I stayed with him because he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and I didnt want to bail out during this time. We stayed together for another 5 months, with the last 2 not so good. He became very controlling, emotionally abusive, jealous and I really didnt feel that he was doing what he needed to do to show his love. Basically, I think he just wanted the company and to say he had a girlfriend. He is not much a of looker and a little older, 56. I learned that he was a miser and would put all his money in the bank and do without. He described himself as being a simple man and didnt want to do much and I got tired of that because the reason why he conditioned himself to that was so that he wouldnt have to spend any money. Anyway, its complicated and we had other issues as well.

Anyway, so I distance myself for 3 weeks and when I am finally ready to call it off, the jerk beats me to it and sends me a text message to tell me not to call him again and to have a good life. The first few days I was feeling really bad, wrote him a letter as to everything that went wrong, his criticism, his greed and his miser attitude towards dating. Of course, he ignored my email.

I was down for 2 days and then all of the sudden felt good about myself. The fog was lifted, I felt as if bad spirits were taken away and I felt a sense of relief. But still some of the feelings come up. I am 54 and in good shape, very outgoing and look younger than the 54..but feel as if I will not find the love of my life. Most of the men in my age bracket have a lot of baggage like the last one I dated. I dont want to be alone.

Even though I had already decided to break it off because I was happy and was bored, I still feel rejected because he beat me to it. He is a very proud man and controlling so this was his way of getting back at me. I know that he was very angry at me for not contacting him in 3 weeks and knowing that things were not going so well between us. I was taking time for myself to figure this out and came to the conclusion that I could not continue and just wanted to talk to him about and let him know why in person, although he knew the whys.

I know that in the past he had a relationship that was on and off for 5 years and now I understand why with his personality issues. I would think the woman had self-esteem issues by going back and forth or she felt too lonely. I dont think that he has ever been any different than what he demonstrated to me. He has a very negative personality even though to the public he tries to have a very upbeat and friendly appearance.

Anyway, I know that this too shall pass and I will get better each day. Yesterday I was feeling great...today my self esteem is low and anything that happens in my life right now just makes it ever worse.. Like when I make a mistake at work or something, it just makes me feel that much worse.

[Northwestwandere...]

Do you really feel rejection, or are you more upset that he beat you to it and your pride is hurt? I know in the past I've felt that when a guy I was intending to end things with beat me to it.

[jessicarabbit97]

I think there probably is a sense of hurt pride by his beating you to the punch.

However, I think you probably DO feel rejected. I think there is something to look at here - because on two separate occasions you opened threads about him, asking if what he was doing was emotionally abusive, yet it still took quite some time to break up with him.

While I'm sure you believe that you wanted to help him when he had prostate cancer, I think there may be more there. No one would get away with treating me like that, no matter what was wrong with him. I don't tolerate rudeness, abuse or passive-aggresive "just joking" comments EVER from a guy.

I think it IS complicated, but you'd do yourself a huge favor by delving into way you were willing to let him talk to you like that as long as you did.

Best wishes.

[Sophia]

I think JR has a good point. You chose to stay in an unhealthy relationship for far too long. Now, despite your feelings of rejection, why not try to focus on the feelings of relief and happiness you have without this man in your life??? And just because he sent a final text, doesn't take away from the fact that you were the one to pull away for 3 weeks and begin to distance yourself. Now enforce the no contact and break the cycle that this M seems to have with women and let him find another victim.