Hoping It Is Not Over .... Options

[wanttofly]

Hello !! I would love to hear any opinions. I was with my M for 1 1/2 years. We created a great relationship that we both appreciated having. The last two months we have each had circumstances in our own lives that caused us each stress. I reacted by clinging to him and I would say at first he reacted to be there for me and handle his own stress (work related). I know I started to smother him and when he pulled back a drop, I panicked and it spiraled from there. We started having stress between us besides the stress we were each handling. We had words one night and each got upset. The next day he told he that it is clear to him we are just not working now and he feels it is time to end it. I knew we were having problems and didn't see that coming. That was 1 1/2 weeks ago. I called him once and sent a couple of "please let talk and work this out e-mails". He only replied to one and said he loved me, but things just weren't working and maybe in the future we could end up back together. He said he ended things out of frustration. A few nights ago I wrote him and told him that it makes me sad we ended it and I am taking this oppurtunity to work out the stress issues that I have going on my end. I told him I love him and want to ask him to please not give up on us, but I will leave that for him to decide. I told him he didn't need to reply to the e-mail (of course i wanted him to). I just wanted him to know I was in a good place and taking care of some things that were long overdue. I was kinda hoping to hear from him today since it was a holiday. Still nothing. Do you he is in a cave? How do I know if he is done or just taking some time? I don't know how to read no contact with me at all. I genuinely love this man and I "think" he loves me the same. Any advice? Thanks, Becky

[missea]

Hi wanttofly ~

I am sorry you are hurting. I am glad you are working on the issues causing stress in your life.

I broke things off with my M one week ago. I was in your Ms shoes. My M got very needy and clingy and I felt smothered by it. I, too, was frustrated like your M.

I miss him but I do not miss the needy behavior he was exhibiting. I am open to resuming a r'ship with him if we can find a better "balance" however I feel we both need this time apart right now. He said he is doing a lot of thinking about his role in our breakup. I am doing the same w/r/t my role.

You have expressed yourself to your M and I would give him time to evaluate his feelings. Whatever he decides, you want him to arrive at his decision on his own. He will contact you if he wants to work through this.

For you .... take care of you. I suggest you not contact him. Your email has put the ball in his court. Continue to work on the stress-causing issues in your life. Give yourself the time you need for you.

I understand wanting to hear from someone you love on a holiday. Given the timing, it is possible he is caving.

Give him the opportunity to miss you while you take care of you.

I hope this helps in some way.

Missea

[Kayte80]

Hi Becky,

I too am in your situation. My relationship ended 3 weeks ago because of our individual stresses at the moment. Our relationship wasnt strong enough to handle that kind of pressure.

I know how you must hurt. I wish i could provide you with some advice but I am not exactly the best person right now - I am trying to no contact thing but it is a struggle and i have failed on a number of occasions. Being the one that broke it off isnt the easiest role, despite what some people think.

Take care of you. That is the best I can offer right now, other than my best wishes.

[wanttofly]

Thank you for your reply. I know needy never feels good and of course I wish i could turn the clock back, but I can not. I am curious if you and your M have had any contact? If you are open to resuming the realtionship at another time, how much time do you feel you need to yourself right now? It is confusing to me what the difference is between someone not loving you anymore or someone needing space. If it is space, I wish he would tell me that. If he doesn't love me anymore, I would be very sad, but would move on. No one needs to be with someone that doesn't want to be with them. Thanks.

Becky

Hi wanttofly ~

I am sorry you are hurting. I am glad you are working on the issues causing stress in your life.

I broke things off with my M one week ago. I was in your Ms shoes. My M got very needy and clingy and I felt smothered by it. I, too, was frustrated like your M.

I miss him but I do not miss the needy behavior he was exhibiting. I am open to resuming a r'ship with him if we can find a better "balance" however I feel we both need this time apart right now. He said he is doing a lot of thinking about his role in our breakup. I am doing the same w/r/t my role.

You have expressed yourself to your M and I would give him time to evaluate his feelings. Whatever he decides, you want him to arrive at his decision on his own. He will contact you if he wants to work through this.

For you .... take care of you. I suggest you not contact him. Your email has put the ball in his court. Continue to work on the stress-causing issues in your life. Give yourself the time you need for you.

I understand wanting to hear from someone you love on a holiday. Given the timing, it is possible he is caving.

Give him the opportunity to miss you while you take care of you.

I hope this helps in some way.

Missea