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> Why Do Men Procrastinate? Guys Need Your Help!, Men and commitment phobia's?
Offlinemonniepenne
post 11/28/07 02:30 AM
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Is it true that men only do what they want to do in relationships?
IE: If a man has been with a women for several years and never "pops the question", or moves forward to making a decision on commitment does it mean, he is simply not interested?
And the do no currently live together but have been dating for several years.

I know there are many circumstances around this question, but the bottom line is " If he really loved the women, wouldn't he want to make the effort and not procrastinate, or be pushed into something by her? He should want to do it on his own isn't this correct?

And if he didn't want to do this, why would he say he does from the get go, but then never follow through? Is this considered "being lead on"....or him just procrastinating?
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OfflineMelissa
post 11/28/07 06:26 AM
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QUOTE (monniepenne @ Nov 27 2007, 10:30 PM) *
I know there are many circumstances around this question, but the bottom line is " If he really loved the women, wouldn't he want to make the effort and not procrastinate, or be pushed into something by her? He should want to do it on his own isn't this correct?

And if he didn't want to do this, why would he say he does from the get go, but then never follow through? Is this considered "being lead on"....or him just procrastinating?



Not having popped the question does not mean anything in particular.
It may mean he does not want to marry u, but on the other hand it may mean that he loves u but does not realise how much marriage means to u. I would not make presumptions about how he does or does not think if I were u. That would be slamming too many doors shut and not leaving yourself open to receiving what may be on offer at a future time.

I dont think a person should be held accountable for what they say at the word go. That would be way to rigid. People change and grow.
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OfflineJoy
post 11/28/07 07:17 AM
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..perhaps its just me but sometimes i dont understand why so many women are dying to get married, and if they want to get married so much why do they just not tell the guy that they would love to get married and how important it is to them.

Guy sometimes think that by living together its enough of a commitment.

I know my brother and my cousin did not propose for 10 years.

This was not commitment phobia at all , just that they perhaps did not understand the importance of the whole marriage part.
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OfflineBelle-of-the-Bal...
post 11/28/07 10:01 AM
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QUOTE (monniepenne @ Nov 28 2007, 01:30 AM) *
And if he didn't want to do this, why would he say he does from the get go, but then never follow through? Is this considered "being lead on"....or him just procrastinating?


Sometimes, there are circumstances which make delaying marriage a good thing, like finishing school, taking care of major money issues, dealing with certain legalities (particularly true if he has been multi-married with minor children), and so on. In those instances, they should discuss those factors and be on the same page. If she is not willing to wait, then it's up to her to move out of that relationship.

Sometimes, there's no need to take the relationship any further. He's being given what he needs by her. He has reached his level of contentment and sees no reason to do anything else that could rock his happy world. If this is the case, she needs to back up and back away until he realizes he's going to miss out on that jewel or until she realizes he's not the man for her.

Sometimes, repeated promises a la "we'll get married after X time or Y event" that are broken need to be dealt with by her backing away until the promises are kept or until she decides she doesn't want to be strung along anymore. Someone very wise (and very expensive) once told me that men make promises to get women to shut up. That's a very harsh statement, but when dealing with a man who breaks promises as a habit and not an exception, there's a great deal of truth in that. He says what she wants to hear, she's relieved and happy. When he doesn't follow through, she mentions it again, he tells her what she wants to hear, she's relieved and happy - and he's off the hook again. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Instead of being a repeat like a bad episode of a sitcom, she needs to break away from that cycle with a reality check of her own: Does he break other promises to other people as well? Is this the kind of man who will make a good husband and father? Will he make repeated promises to the children? Will he make repeated promises for major life decisions? And will he keep those promises or will he break those too? If he has a lousy track record of follow-through on most everything, she should probably move along.

And sometimes, he's just a man. He's scared to give up his independence. He's scared he can't make her happy. He's scared about the additional responsibilities. He's scared that he'll make a lousy father. He's scared that he's going to wake up to THAT FACE every morning. He's scared that she will change once the cake has been cut. There is no amount of pushing or cajoling that will work with a man who has these fears; he has to face them alone and again, if this is the case, she needs to back up until his fear is that he's NOT going to wake up to that face, that he won't be happy unless she's in his life, and that he's going to miss out on cutting the cake with her.

Women actually have a great deal of "leverage" in a relationship if they will remember they are the jewel and they can back up in the relationship until he decides to move forward or she decides to back out. A woman does not need to wait for him unless she just wants to and in that case, that's her voluntary decision.

~Belle
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