Didn't listen to louise 117, now lost him for good... Options

[NoOne12345]

I just want to tell everyone there is some really good advice out here..if you take it. I did not.

Short story...my fiance broke our engagement and did not want to date for a while. We were together for four years. For four years, even though he did EVERYTHING to make me feel loved, I did everything to test that love - even cheating once. I guess I didn't believe I deserved it? Anyhow, I guess my negativity, doubting and unsupporting him got too bad. He moved out and asked that I talk to someone about us and my unhappiness.

A week later he went to counseling with me and asked me to lunch. We talked a bit that month and he never stopped telling me he loved me. Then he told me that with time he thought we could work things out and he hoped to move back in eventually - but he needed time and did not want to feel pressured. Then his brother from Virginia moved in "unexpectedly" with him and I started doubting everything he said because he would not return my calls for that week.

So, what did I do? Exactly what louise told me not too. I called and was all weepy. I then went over there. I found out he lied to me about his brother moving down being "unexpected". He said he didn't think I would understand and did not want to hurt me or have drama...but drama is what he got when I realized he lied...because what if everything he had been telling me was a lie? It just reconfirmed (to me) that he didn't love me and I was right to test it all those years.

So that night led to it being over for good. He told me he would always love me but love was not enough. He did not like who he was around me when I am like this and wanted me to leave him alone. He said if it was meant to be, then if we talk again years to come it might work out. But for now...he wants me to go away. If I love him like I say I do, I will want him to be happy and he is happier when I am not around. And like that...he gave up four years.

I am devestated and feel so stupid. I am so mad at myself for not listening to everyone. And most of all I am sooo scared of repeating my mistakes and being alone forever. I feel out of control and there is still a little piece that things I can call him and make him chance mind. But I know that is a wrong and crazy thought.

I just wanted to share..I guess now, I need to start posting on the starting over board - heh?