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> What is with the every other day calls?, who do they think they are fooling
Offlinealioop
post 10/18/04 11:31 PM
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I am so annoyed with my guys new "schedule" of calling.He told me he would not call every night anymore or staying the weekend when we started "over".Well when he has "news" he calls day or night (regardless of schedule) or when he flys weekly I guess to let me know he arrived safely-though i never ask him to.BUT now he has sent me 2 emails today -one about making sure I have a babysitter for friday and also reassuring me to always tell him if I had anything on my mind (about the dating thing last night when we talked) Then he sent another one saying something sweet and short, BUT did he call me? Well hell NO and WHY not? because the man called me last night and I guess it is against his religion now.I mean just like I used to could set my watch ny his calls every night at 8 30 exactly-I can now predict he will call me EVERY OTHER NIGHT at the same time. It is so stupid really, I guess it is the "man way" of showing control?
If he calls at the other times it is because he has something important to report or wants to come see me, etc. I found this morning that he had called me twice last night (once at 5 30 at home and on my cell (turned off)) while I was not home then he waited until 7 15 to call again after leaving a message so he is persistant.
I have decided since he is DECIDING EVERYTHING in the relationship like when we will talk and also that we shall date others,etc I am throwing a monkey wrench into his plans.
I honestly don't know who they think they are fooling with the every other night routine.It is funny if you think abt it- it is as predictable as the every night calls.Tomorrow when he calls he will not get an answer and the cell will be turned off again.I am tired of him deciding when we talk. wink.gif Let him wonder where I AM .i know he is at home watching sports.
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Offlineriddle1
post 10/19/04 06:14 AM
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Hey Ali,

I havent quite figured that one out either, too bad there isn't a chapter in the book on that biggrin.gif But let me tell you that I did the same thing you are thinking, not answering and turning off the phone, because I used to get calls 10 days a day, then it went to every other day....I turned the phone off, ignored the messages and made him very anxious for a few days, even paranoid, which of course made me feel good, but then it backfired, because it was so out of character for me, so then he went with no calls for awhile and now I am at calls, but with an angry tone....So I am thinking that men tend to be able to use only part of the brain at a time, if your guy is working on his issues, he is doing all he can to get his life in order, and it is not that he is not thinking of you, but I believe he feels comfortable with the fact that you are so understanding, and giving him the time he needs, and if I were you, I would just continue to be there for him, no games with the phone...This is just my point of view, but I know when I did it, he figured it out and it only made things worse......Keep the positive attitude you have always had, let him know you are here, and I bet things will continue to move forward, maybe a little bit slower than you want, but it will be better....Riddle
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Offlinetraveller
post 10/19/04 08:30 AM
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huh.gif "..I guess it is the "man way" of showing control?"

Ali, I understand that you are frustrated - and with good reason (from what you've written) - but you know there is a big difference in "the man way" vs "that man's way".

It sounds like your guy has got some idea of some sort of formula -although really there is no formula - it is exactly as you said - pretty silly really. In my own experience I was advised not to get hold of my Girl when she got back from Europe (she'd left out of here without telling anyone she left - mainly because she was under loads of stress - some of it my fault - but a lot of it I am sure was other things in her life) -- at any rate - I called her when I found out she got home.

The point being -there is no formula - and he should figure that out (I think iirc he is about 55 or so - or at any rate he is about 10-15 years older than myself; and I would have thought someone older than me should not be into something as contrived as a formula like - "no calls every other day".

Howeer the formula thing also imo extends to always expecting the guy to call - as "he wants to be the pursuer" - I mean how silly is that - maybe that diminishes with how long you know a person - personally I like getting calls from my girl - like I like getting IM's - and even the one time she showed up her unexpectedly - it's all good.


->> Lots of writing ... but I guess I am trying to tell you Ali - I think it is the contrived nature of what seems to be some arbitrary formula (one that you had no input in ) - that might be the situation (I am not sure how to resolve that excpet through comunication skills - but both parties have to be open to do this ) Yeh sad.gif I know easier said than done.

I know you had a rough little while here -and I have been surfing on my own wave cycle (diabetic meds give you the wave I think --and I definitely do that -instead of caving) .. Wishing you the best - and stay strong cool.gif


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Men are from Mars Women are from Venus Sometimes I feel like I am from Pluto :D
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Offlineenuffalready
post 10/19/04 09:39 AM
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Alioop:

Yeah, unfortunately it is HIS way to control how the relationship goes and it's not right.

I had the same situation..mine controlled when the calls took place, when we were going to see each other and I had no say whatsoever...not for lack of trying. I think they get sooo scared that they are going to LOSE control they try to run a tight ship, so as not to.

Needless to say I got tired of always "working" around his schedule (among other things) that I had to end the relationship. Although he was aware of his issues, he didn't feel he could step up to the plate and "let go" and enjoy the relationship. I think he was working on himself but just not "there" yet. It's called evolving.

Anyhow, I hope you work this out cause it can be real frustrating!!!

Not to sterotype...but I got to ask the question. Is he by any chance Italian?

Take care of yourself..

Enuff
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