The Obamas met with President Bush and First Lady Laura Bush last week at the White House. While the President and President-elect talked privately in the Oval Office, Laura gave Michelle a tour of the First Family’s living quarters and discussed family life and the help that is provided by the executive staff.
Let’s suspend reality for a moment – when and if a woman is elected President, do you suppose that her husband will receive the same instructions and introduction that Michelle Obama is receiving? Or would it be silly to imagine that a man would be given the details about the running of the house – whether it’s the White House or otherwise?
“First Lady” is the unofficial title of the hostess of the White House. It’s not an elected position, carries no official duties, and there is no salary attached to the role. But the First Lady does attend many ceremonies and functions with the President or in his place. There is a strong tradition against the First Lady holding employment though she frequently works for humanitarian and charitable causes.
However, the Office of the First Lady is an official office in the White House, and it is staffed to help the First Lady carry out all her duties. It is, without a doubt, an intensely challenging job to be the wife of the President of the United States. But the traditions of being a First Lady do bring to mind thoughts of way back when … when women alone ran the house and took care of the kids while hubby went to work.
Our observations here are in no way meant to minimize the importance of the position of the President of the United States, or the role of the First Lady. You have to wonder though about the significance behind the duties of these very individual roles, this separation of “power” between a husband and a wife. We hear these concerns daily in our calls with clients – the struggles couples experience when it comes to divvying household chores or managing their combined finances. Most of all, people are most concerned when they feel their duties are “decided” for them by default because of their gender.
Back to the First Ladies for a moment. Hillary Clinton was one of the most vocal First Ladies, holding a formal job in her husband’s administration to develop and reform our health care system. Jackie Kennedy, beloved for her grace and demeanor, was very popular nationally and internationally. But what people often remember about Jackie is that she re-modeled the White House and made pillbox hats a fashion trend. Less talked about is Woodrow Wilson’s wife Edith, who took over many routine government affairs and selected matters for the President’s attention when a stroke left him paralyzed.
Every First Lady is expected to behave a certain way, but every First Lady has created a different and personal definition for her role. Nancy Reagan waged a war on drugs; Jackie endeared herself to every foreign dignitary; Hillary went on to further political greatness in her own right; and Laura Bush has done great work with literacy. They are all significant and instrumental in their own ways.
Our commentary on this subject is not about the capability of a woman versus a man, or who does more or less. What we’re talking about here are the roles that people are assigned because of their gender. If the First Lady gives up her career – or at least puts it on hold – to fulfill her role beside the Commander in Chief, should she be admired for sacrificing her wants for four or eight years to support him in his goals?
Michelle has vocalized her desire to make her cause as First Lady one of helping parents achieve a work-family balance in their lives. She’s been clear about not wanting a role similar to the one Hillary had, working in the West Wing and conferencing at the policy table. As Michelle said in People, “I can’t do everything.” She’s concerned that her daughters’ childhood is over as they know it – she is a mom who is reacting to the immense changes that are occurring in her family.
How would the country react if Michelle Obama decided to get a job in Washington, D.C., and pack her briefcase every morning and go to work? Would we call her unsupportive and selfish for not doing her duty as First Lady?
→ If the President’s wife fulfills the role of First Lady as it has always been fulfilled, shouldn’t it follow then that any “regular” woman who gives up her work to stay at home for the good of her children is equally as admirable? Yet that choice tends to be one that is often disdained by society. Why do you think this is?
Read more!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Hair's Lookin' at You...
There are online dating sites for people who want matches who share their religion, race, or interests. Some people go hunting for wealthy partners while others want some intimate activity with no strings attached. But now there's an online dating site that's even more niche-oriented. The Washington Post reports the launch of MulletPassions.com... yes, you read that correctly, mullets. All the old-school Billy Ray Cyrus fans out there, eat your heart out!
→ What do you think the craziest online dating site is? What kind of online dating site do you think the market really needs? Read more!
→ What do you think the craziest online dating site is? What kind of online dating site do you think the market really needs? Read more!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
STDs By Mail?
No one wants to hear this from their doctor: "You have herpes, gonorrhea, Chlamydia, syphilis..." But people definitely don't want to hear via email that they've been exposed to one of these STDs, especially when they had no idea the message was finding its way through cyberspace right to their inbox.
Are STD warnings via email someone's idea of a sick practical joke? Actually, no. Live Science reports that the Internet Sexuality Information Service in California developed these e-postcards so people can notify anyone they've had sex with of their latest sexual health report.
→ Confrontation is no fun, but if you were diagnosed with an STD, would you inform past sexual partners via email? What would you do if you received an email with the news that you had been exposed? Read more!
Are STD warnings via email someone's idea of a sick practical joke? Actually, no. Live Science reports that the Internet Sexuality Information Service in California developed these e-postcards so people can notify anyone they've had sex with of their latest sexual health report.
→ Confrontation is no fun, but if you were diagnosed with an STD, would you inform past sexual partners via email? What would you do if you received an email with the news that you had been exposed? Read more!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Risking Money, Risking Love
When there’s an economic breakdown, stress is inevitable. But how you allow this stress to affect your love life is entirely up to you.
Taking a unique angle, a recent MSNBC article draws parallels about the irrationality that exists where finances and love are concerned. One expert was quoted as saying, “People keep stepping on the same rakes because money, like romance, is only partly an intellectual experience. Money, like sex, brings out some thought – but also much heavy breathing and little stored knowledge.”
Hmm… Wonder why you keep making those same relationship mistakes (or poor investment choices)? Emotion has a lot to do with it. You’re only flesh and blood after all – you have a brain, but when your heart is the reigning force it can be tough to overthrow.
Along with emotion influencing your decisions, there’s also the idea of risk. While the article points out that risk isn’t a bad thing, it is acknowledged as often cancelling out the voice of reason, whether in dating and relationship situations or money management.
Just as you may latch onto an investment that seems like a sure thing, you may jump into intimacy, exclusivity, or even marriage with someone before the waters have been properly tested. Intellectually, you know the rewards can be huge if things go your way. But mistakes can be costly to your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. This being said, without risk there is no reward. If you refuse to take a chance on love for fear of the seemingly insurmountable fallout, you will never succeed.
So how do you distinguish between calculated risk and flat-out poor decision-making? How do you strike a balance between taking the right chances and protecting yourself? Do the steps you are encouraged to take to guard your finances mirror the effort you should put forth to shield your heart? Maybe…
A Rice University professor quoted in the MSNBC article said that people are hardwired to make poor financial choices for many reasons. While combinations of these financial actions can lead to crises, we’d like to point out the correlation between these points as monetary goals and how they can also apply to relationships:
You have much more control over your own emotions than you do over what happens to the life of the dollar. While you can’t choose how you may feel about someone (no more than you can control how another person feels about you), you can decide how these feelings will affect you, your disposition, and your relationship success.
→ How is money getting in the way of your relationship or your love life in these troubled economic times? Read more!
Taking a unique angle, a recent MSNBC article draws parallels about the irrationality that exists where finances and love are concerned. One expert was quoted as saying, “People keep stepping on the same rakes because money, like romance, is only partly an intellectual experience. Money, like sex, brings out some thought – but also much heavy breathing and little stored knowledge.”
Hmm… Wonder why you keep making those same relationship mistakes (or poor investment choices)? Emotion has a lot to do with it. You’re only flesh and blood after all – you have a brain, but when your heart is the reigning force it can be tough to overthrow.
Along with emotion influencing your decisions, there’s also the idea of risk. While the article points out that risk isn’t a bad thing, it is acknowledged as often cancelling out the voice of reason, whether in dating and relationship situations or money management.
Just as you may latch onto an investment that seems like a sure thing, you may jump into intimacy, exclusivity, or even marriage with someone before the waters have been properly tested. Intellectually, you know the rewards can be huge if things go your way. But mistakes can be costly to your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. This being said, without risk there is no reward. If you refuse to take a chance on love for fear of the seemingly insurmountable fallout, you will never succeed.
So how do you distinguish between calculated risk and flat-out poor decision-making? How do you strike a balance between taking the right chances and protecting yourself? Do the steps you are encouraged to take to guard your finances mirror the effort you should put forth to shield your heart? Maybe…
A Rice University professor quoted in the MSNBC article said that people are hardwired to make poor financial choices for many reasons. While combinations of these financial actions can lead to crises, we’d like to point out the correlation between these points as monetary goals and how they can also apply to relationships:
- Financial: Focusing on short-term gains and pleasures.
Love life: If you act too rashly just to gain immediate pleasure – getting intimate too soon, rebounding, etc. – you’ll suffer, and the person you get involved with could end up hurting as well. - Financial: Imitating the decisions and actions of others.
Love life: You jump into a relationship or marriage, even though you’re not ready, merely because so many others in your peer group are doing the same. “Consume” a relationship that isn’t right for you, or that you can’t “afford” emotionally, and you’ll spiral into emotional debt. - Financial: Focusing on specific outcomes rather than looking at the big picture.
Love life: You want to get married already. But focusing on the wedding day is not enough – without tending to the relationship as a whole, the chances for marital success plummet drastically. - Financial: A tendency to forget the negative events that were experienced in the past.
Love life: It’s good to move beyond the past and forge ahead, but if old concerns, worries, or side effects aren’t managed first, the chance of history repeating itself increases tenfold.
You have much more control over your own emotions than you do over what happens to the life of the dollar. While you can’t choose how you may feel about someone (no more than you can control how another person feels about you), you can decide how these feelings will affect you, your disposition, and your relationship success.
→ How is money getting in the way of your relationship or your love life in these troubled economic times? Read more!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
When Your House Is Red and Blue
You laugh at the same jokes, share the same taste in cuisine, you may even agree about religion. Then comes a presidential election year and, suddenly, all the similarities between you and your beloved come to a screeching halt.
Amid what is arguably one of the most significant political battles in history, living in a two-party household can truly test a relationship’s strength and a couple’s unity. While clashing political ideologies may make you feel like you’re in a relationship with a stranger sometimes, it doesn’t mean your love is doomed.
There are plenty of successful couples who have polar-opposite political leanings but still make their love work. Take the most glaring example – Democrat Maria Shriver and Republican Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. In their household, politics is probably an unavoidable topic of daily conversation – but, in most relationships, you can sidestep policy-speak when necessary. The question is – do you want to avoid it?
You could tiptoe around the issues in order to avoid confrontation in your relationship, but there are times when talking about the facts – whether they are politically charged or otherwise – can lead to a greater understanding of each other. And knowledge is never a bad thing – in fact, sometimes we lean toward the people who can give us what we need … even if that need is an opposite point of view.
You and your partner undoubtedly differ in many areas of your relationship … and you manage to work around these odds. Politics doesn’t have to break your status as a couple just like your different sleep patterns and taste in music doesn’t affect the state of your union. (We hope!)
Making a two-party relationship work comes back to Mars Venus basics – focusing on communication and accepting that there are differences between men and women. Fight or flight? Engage or disengage? If you’re not sure how to handle the pressure in your politically charged relationship, there are ways to make peace.
Maintaining a sense of humor and perspective are just for starters, as is rejecting the temptation to get defensive. Equally valuable is asking yourself if you would rather be right or happy. If you’re not the one running for office, maybe being “right” according to your definition of smart politics isn’t always the key to harmony in your relationship. Agreeing to disagree is often the best choice.
According to CNN Health, a study published in the journal Nature Neuroscience found that information is processed differently by liberals and conservatives. Our genes lead us to reason individually, leading to our political viewpoints. Do our political differences then come back to our biological and genetic makeup? Perhaps so. Which would mean that it isn’t just the environment we live in or the culture in which we were raised that solely impacts our political leanings. And it may also imply that we can’t help how we feel about politics…
The fact is this – every opinion counts, especially the opinion of the man or woman you love. It may differ from your point of view, but that doesn’t make it any less valid or worthwhile. This year’s election has many additional lines of separation surrounding it – including, obviously, debates about gender and race – which add even more heated elements to the political Crock-Pot.
Love can work when one half of a couple is conservative and the other half is liberal. We didn’t say it was easy though. Ultimately, politics and the decisions that are being made for the greater good can and do invade relationships. There are many issues, from abortion to stem cell research, that can affect your relationship directly and indirectly.
Now, let’s take away the politics for a moment and look at the idea of different beliefs in generic terms. If the person you’re with passionately supports a cause or argues to defend his belief, do you find yourself feeling, well, proud? Your partner knows what he believes. He knows what he wants. And that can make you feel secure that he is with you because he is capable of feeling that passionate about you as well. His commitment to a cause, whether it’s his favorite football team or political candidate, is admirable and, sometimes, downright sexy.
Perhaps what the real litmus test should be for your relationship is how the person you’re with reacts to politics, rather than what he supports. When you’re discussing the issues, is he open to hearing your side? Or does he push his ticket’s agenda without fail, leaving you to wonder, “Can he think for himself?” This is ultimately one of the biggest indicators of your potential for compatibility with your partner. Are his political beliefs influencing how you look at him as a person?
You don’t always have to agree with the one you love – after all, life would be boring if your opinions were always the same – but it’s crucial for you to decide when you can agree to disagree.
Now, get out there and VOTE!
→ Have political beliefs impacted your relationship for better or worse? Have you ever ended a relationship (or refused to begin one) because of differing political opinions? Read more!
Amid what is arguably one of the most significant political battles in history, living in a two-party household can truly test a relationship’s strength and a couple’s unity. While clashing political ideologies may make you feel like you’re in a relationship with a stranger sometimes, it doesn’t mean your love is doomed.
There are plenty of successful couples who have polar-opposite political leanings but still make their love work. Take the most glaring example – Democrat Maria Shriver and Republican Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. In their household, politics is probably an unavoidable topic of daily conversation – but, in most relationships, you can sidestep policy-speak when necessary. The question is – do you want to avoid it?
You could tiptoe around the issues in order to avoid confrontation in your relationship, but there are times when talking about the facts – whether they are politically charged or otherwise – can lead to a greater understanding of each other. And knowledge is never a bad thing – in fact, sometimes we lean toward the people who can give us what we need … even if that need is an opposite point of view.
You and your partner undoubtedly differ in many areas of your relationship … and you manage to work around these odds. Politics doesn’t have to break your status as a couple just like your different sleep patterns and taste in music doesn’t affect the state of your union. (We hope!)
Making a two-party relationship work comes back to Mars Venus basics – focusing on communication and accepting that there are differences between men and women. Fight or flight? Engage or disengage? If you’re not sure how to handle the pressure in your politically charged relationship, there are ways to make peace.
Maintaining a sense of humor and perspective are just for starters, as is rejecting the temptation to get defensive. Equally valuable is asking yourself if you would rather be right or happy. If you’re not the one running for office, maybe being “right” according to your definition of smart politics isn’t always the key to harmony in your relationship. Agreeing to disagree is often the best choice.
According to CNN Health, a study published in the journal Nature Neuroscience found that information is processed differently by liberals and conservatives. Our genes lead us to reason individually, leading to our political viewpoints. Do our political differences then come back to our biological and genetic makeup? Perhaps so. Which would mean that it isn’t just the environment we live in or the culture in which we were raised that solely impacts our political leanings. And it may also imply that we can’t help how we feel about politics…
The fact is this – every opinion counts, especially the opinion of the man or woman you love. It may differ from your point of view, but that doesn’t make it any less valid or worthwhile. This year’s election has many additional lines of separation surrounding it – including, obviously, debates about gender and race – which add even more heated elements to the political Crock-Pot.
Love can work when one half of a couple is conservative and the other half is liberal. We didn’t say it was easy though. Ultimately, politics and the decisions that are being made for the greater good can and do invade relationships. There are many issues, from abortion to stem cell research, that can affect your relationship directly and indirectly.
Now, let’s take away the politics for a moment and look at the idea of different beliefs in generic terms. If the person you’re with passionately supports a cause or argues to defend his belief, do you find yourself feeling, well, proud? Your partner knows what he believes. He knows what he wants. And that can make you feel secure that he is with you because he is capable of feeling that passionate about you as well. His commitment to a cause, whether it’s his favorite football team or political candidate, is admirable and, sometimes, downright sexy.
Perhaps what the real litmus test should be for your relationship is how the person you’re with reacts to politics, rather than what he supports. When you’re discussing the issues, is he open to hearing your side? Or does he push his ticket’s agenda without fail, leaving you to wonder, “Can he think for himself?” This is ultimately one of the biggest indicators of your potential for compatibility with your partner. Are his political beliefs influencing how you look at him as a person?
You don’t always have to agree with the one you love – after all, life would be boring if your opinions were always the same – but it’s crucial for you to decide when you can agree to disagree.
Now, get out there and VOTE!
→ Have political beliefs impacted your relationship for better or worse? Have you ever ended a relationship (or refused to begin one) because of differing political opinions? Read more!