We receive many letters here
at MarsVenus from men asking for a quick “Cliffs Notes”
version to stoking the fires of desire and sexual arousal in their female
partners. Some have gone so far as to query whether modern medical aids,
such as Viagra, could speed the road to mutual sexual satisfaction. While
there is a sure-fire way to kick up the heat, there is simply no quick
path or magic potion available to drive a woman wild with longing.
According to a recent New York
Times article, researchers at Pfizer have called off a ten-year search
to show that Viagra could enhance sexual function in women. While the
little blue pill was not able to evoke sexual
desire in women, researchers were able to pinpoint the overly-obvious
fact that men and women are wired differently when it comes to sexual
desire and arousal. Well, Pfizer, our hats are off to you for scientifically
proving once again that Men really are
from Mars and Women are from Venus.
What the researchers found was
that, in men, sexual arousal and desire are intertwined; whereas, in women,
there is a disconnection between the two. Arousal concerns our equipment;
desire is influenced more by emotional and psychological factors.
Viagra helps men (who need it)
with sexual function and here’s why: a man thinks about sex, gets turned
on, gets an erection, desires to be physically stimulated as quickly
as possible (remember that the only physical part he is aware of at
this point is his penis!), and boom! He is off to the races and life
is good. He is aroused and his desire for sex is immediate.
A woman, on the other hand, can
experience sexual arousal and not be in a hurry for physical intimacy
unless she also feels desire. She needs to slowly be driven wild with
desire in order for her arousal to become insistent enough for her to
want direct genital stimulation and physical intimacy.
Until her desire is intense,
a woman enjoys being touched in a non-direct
manner. She wants to be teased, titillated, rhythmically
warmed-up, and deliciously ravished. Women like it when men circle around
for a while before going directly for the goods. She may want to be hungrily
devoured in the long-run, but she will probably not be overwhelmed with
passion by experiencing a stampede to her private parts.
male lover first stimulates a woman’s least sensitive and least erogenous
areas. He needs
to delay direct stimulation by taking extra time to slowly and gently
explore her body. A good tip for men is to circle around and work their
way in toward the sensitive parts.
Kiss, lick, nuzzle or playfully
touch from her mouth, to around her ears, down her neck, sides and belly
to her inner thighs. Circle around the outside of her breast or cup
and caress it gently over the entire area before reaching the nipple.
Suck her nipples while running your hands over her hips or around her
buttocks. Stroke her vulva and outer vaginal lips before finally getting
to her clitoris. Now, stay put and stimulate her clitoris either by
rubbing with your fingers or using your tongue, the Holy Grail of female
sexual pleasure. Remember, 95% of female orgasms result from direct
clitoral stimulation. A skilled and caring lover will either take the
time to bring his partner to climax before penetration, or he can reach
down or around to touch her clitoris during intercourse.
So guys, the news is simple --
there is no pill or secret medical potion to help rev-up or enhance
a woman’s sexual function. Instead, you
simply have to conjure up your own mo-jo and slowly let the magic happen.