Mars Venus

Who Should Pay When You Go on a Date?


Some might consider the most awkward moment of a date to be the good night kiss—how will it happen, who will initiate it? But others believe the most uncomfortable moment of a date to be when the bill is placed on the table between the two of you. Both people may ignore the bill, or surreptitiously glance at it when the other isn’t looking, or avoid eye contact altogether.
 
In this generation, what are the rules about who should pay for the date? Men used to pay, no questions asked. It was just expected. Then there was the women’s lib era when guys and gals went dutch. But the rules now seem to be a hodge-podge of both dating generations.

If you were in an already-established relationship, it would be much easier to simply talk about the bill and flesh out which wallet would be getting the workout. When you’re newly dating and just getting to know someone, it’s tough to communicate adequately about the situation. No one wants to be thought of as cheap or pushy, and women and men likely do not want to be considered either too feminist or chauvinistic. But regardless of how you do or do not wish to be perceived, the two of you still have to figure out who’s paying the bill—it just has to be decided subtly.

For women, the bill is almost like a test. Ladies are programmed nowadays to believe that they should offer to pay and actually be prepared to do so, but be pleasantly surprised if the man snatches the check right away. This bill-paying drama may seem like just one more dating game, but it’s really rooted in something much more significant and legitimate—the first stage of dating.

During the attraction stage of dating, people are getting acquainted and they’re curious about each other. But, most importantly, this is when the man either does or does not begin forming a bond to the woman. He creates this bond by doing things for her in the beginning of the relationship, including paying for dates. In order to build the bond, the man has to make an effort. Think about it. When you put a lot of work into anything at the beginning—be it a new hobby, a new sport, a new job, or a new relationship—you care more about it because you have invested your time and energy. And when you accomplish something, you feel great about yourself. A man’s ability to make a woman happy will make him feel good about himself and endear her to him. Women also have to put forth some effort at the beginning of the dating stages but, more so than not, their duty is to be receptive to the man’s efforts.

So, while relationship success could come down to who’s paying the bill at the end of the date, ultimately, ladies, it’s about allowing your man to woo you and build his self-esteem. There will be plenty of time later for the relationship boundaries to break down. For now, try to enjoy being spoiled and let him learn how to love you.

We all know that dating can truly be challenging for women who are forced to wear two faces to the world:  the powerful business woman and the softer, more flexible partner.  If you’re confused, or struggling with this issue, our coaches can help.  We allow each caller to make peace with the different demands placed on them, and educate them on how to be their best self both at work and while on a date.  Unfortunately, the skills that lead many women to great success at work can work against them when it comes to relationships. 

Let the coaches with Ask Mars Venus show you how to create the life you genuinely want without compromising your principals or integrity.  Men do love powerful women… provided they feel that they can make them happy.  If this message resonates with you, today is the day to pick up the phone and call a Ask Mars Venus Coach!

Do you have questions about this article? Do you need help understanding how this information can change your life? Talk to one of our expertly trained telephone coaches today and get the answers you are looking for. You can call from the privacy of any phone, and our operators are available to assist you with processing your call.

Call 1-888-627-7836 for details and a personal message from Dr. John Gray.

 
 
  

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