Mars Venus

Is your partner having an affair?

What are the signs you should look for...

Something feels different on your planet lately, although you can’t quite put your finger on it. You’re feeling disconnected and distant from your partner. Perhaps your schedules are too hectic or one of you may be dealing with a particularly trying time at work. Yet whenever you reach out to reconnect, nothing happens. Instead of responding like they used to, you get a cold shoulder, or lip service and the next day it’s the 'same ole, same ole' all over again.

Readers at have been talking about this issue and are wondering, “What might be going on?” How can you tell, short of lurid accusations or hiring a private investigator?

Here are the top signals that you partner may be having an affair:

Withdrawal from personal and/or family ties-

Has your partner become unavailable either physically or emotionally? If you have noticed a sudden shift in the amount of time your partner has for you and your family, you have to ask yourself what is distracting them. They could have a new hobby, or other interest that is completely innocent. On the other hand, if you can’t answer this question, and neither can they, this may be a sign that something is amiss.

New clothes or radical change of style

Particularly beware of fancy new underclothes. If you have noticed a decrease in your sex life, and an emphasis from your partner on looking good underneath their clothes- this may be a troubling sign. To really determine the truth, ask yourself if your partner has been inviting you to have sex more often? Has there been a shift in your sex life, to either significantly more or less sex? They may have purchased sexy underclothes to gain your attention.

Weight loss or additional exercise regime-

Has your partner suddenly gotten a new or youngish hairstyle? Have they begun coloring their hair or other grooming techniques, such as nails or pedicures that are out of character for them? Often a person having an affair becomes more focused on body image. Again, this may simply be a way of working on their self-esteem, or trying to gain your attention. The only way to truly know is to ask.

Going to work early and/or coming home late-

Is your partner going on more business trips/dinners without the usual invitation for their spouse? Again, this could simply be a change in company policy, or there may be something more going on. Things to look for while your partner is away are: Does he/she call as frequently as they used to when traveling? When you call or express interest in calling are they open to it? Do they schedule your calls, or are they open to you calling whenever? If they do want to schedule, what is their reason?

Be careful as you consider each of these possible signs as they may apply to your relationship. Individually, they probably signal nothing unusual at all. Remember- everyone, at some point in their lives, strives to improve their appearance and explore new interests. That’s healthy behavior and keeps us from growing stagnant and depressed. It is the accumulation of these signals that may point to something more ominous happening in your world.

The truth is that the only real way to know- is to ask. Open, honest communication about how you’re feeling is the only way you can explore what might be happening in your relationship. If you feel your partner may be doing something you would not approve of, find a time in your day together, and openly share your feelings.

There are many techniques on how to do this, ranging from simply sharing your feelings to analyzing the best time, and method to talk with your partner. Remember, a person with this type of concern on their mind may not think as rationally as they would at other times. Sometimes asking a simple question can feel like a blatant accusation if asked in the wrong way. If you have questions or concerns about how to discuss your sensitive feelings with a partner, and want support on how to do this and achieve the best results, our coaches can help. Click here for more information.

Do you have questions about this article? Do you need help understanding how this information can change your life? Talk to one of our expertly trained telephone coaches today and get the answers you are looking for. You can call from the privacy of any phone, and our operators are available to assist you with processing your call.

Call 1-888-627-7836 for details and a personal message from Dr. John Gray.


1-888-MARS-VENUS - Relationship Advice